The Aluminum Vagina

I am sitting in a beautiful apartment on the thirtieth floor with Kelley, the prettiest redhead from Cornell Irving High, with whom I never spoke a word. She tells me that she always thought about me back in school and that she always wished I would talk to her. This fills me with surprise. I tell her that I am talking to her now, and she smiles and we begin kissing passionately. Her mouth tastes like peaches. She moans. I kiss her shoulders, her breasts, her stomach, and work my way down between her legs when my mouth hits something hard. I slide off her thong, and discover that she has an aluminum vagina. First I think it is a kind of erotic piercing, but after inspecting it I realize that her entire vaginal canal is solid aluminum, running deep inside of her body. I look up at her, and she is talking on her cell phone to her manager. – Kelley, I say. She glances down at me, then covers the receiver. – What’s the matter, she asks. Isn’t it clean?